The Unborn 2009 | Review

This opens with nice aerial shots of a beautiful winter landscape. I didn’t know if this was supposed to take place in the tri-state area or New England, but it had that feel.

the-unborn-2009-jog

It turns out it was filmed in Chicago and some other suburban towns in Illinois. In a lot of ways, Chicago is prettier than New York. Too bad it’s cursed. If you want to know more about that, check out my Candyman Video Review. That place has some bad spiritual energy that goes back hundreds of years.

Just so no one get’s confused. I’m not talking about the people of current day Chicago. I have met some lovely people from there. I’m talking about the history of that area pre 1920. When too many bad things happen on the same land, it becomes spoiled.

But, who am I to talk? I live in Florida and if there is a place that sits on a weird spiritual vortex of WTF. This place is it. It’s an insane asylum with palm trees.

Film Title: The Unborn

ODETTE YUSTMAN and MEAGAN GOOD are Casey Beldon and Romy Marshall in The Unborn.

Anyway, we are treated to an eerie dream sequence ruined by bad CGI. Cut to her talking to her friend on the phone about the dream. Her friend was played by the beautiful Meagan Good, but her character was so annoying. She was trying to be the edgy over sexed friend and Meagan tried to do her best with what she was given. It’s just what she was given was wack.

Why are her feet on the couch with sneakers on? Sorry, we don’t wear shoes in the house so when I see people on TV and in movies put their feet up on furniture including their beds with shoes on, it is really unsanitary to me.

Film Title: The Unborn

Casey Beldon (ODETTE YUSTMAN) questions Matty Newton (ATTICUS SHAFFER) about his odd behavior toward his baby sister in a supernatural thriller The Unborn.

There is also a creepy kid that she is baby sitting who seems odd; like he’s not a child but a little person. Like he is maybe dwarf playing a child. Like that guy who played Isaac in The Children of the Corn. It turns out he is quite small at 20 years old (as of the publishing of this piece) he is 4’7″. He was 11 when he played this role. He did ab excellent job playing a creepy kid.

isaac-children-of-the-corn.jpg

John Franklin was 24 years-old when he played Isaac in The Children of the Corn (1984).

This movie just starts right in with the weird haunted stuff. When I mean starts right in, I mean less than 5 minutes in and she is already experiencing creepy stuff. I don’t even know this characters name yet.

Unborn-creepy-dream

Why is her ghost twin dressed like Oliver Twist? He is haunting her looking like, “Please Sir, may I have some more?” The movie does go on to explain this.

Film Title: The Unborn

This is moments before the gratuitous camel toe shot.

I’m mad the director had her do that slow turn in her white undies and this mfr made sure the light hit her just right to emphasize the camel toe. PG-13 perv.

the-unborn-twins

There is some interesting stuff in this movie, like astral projection, Nazi experiments on twins, possession, Dybbuks, Mirror mysticism and Jewish mysticism.

jewish-exorcism

There are also some cool creature designs. They mixed practical with CGI. Sometimes they looked better than other times. I don’t know if that was a we ran out of money during this production issue or a we switched SFX coordinators midway through production issue.

Film Title: The Unborn

Gary Oldman and Idris Elba are both in this playing a Rabbi and a Priest. Gary and Idris’ American accents are both pretty good. The really are turking err jerbs.

south-park-our-jobs

This movie get’s a lot of unneccessary hate. It’s not that bad. It’s not that good either. It’s entertaining. It’s not the scariest thing ever, but it’s not as bad as what people say.

It had some fun jump scares. If you know me, then you know I am not a jump scare snob. Jump scare snobs annoy me. It’s one thing to say there were too many false scares or to say that the jump scare wasn’t effective due to timing or something. I have no problem with that.

It’s the people who say, “Oh this movie had jump scares. It’s so low brow. Snob snob snob, she she poo.” Just say you don’t like jump scares and go. But don’t act like you are on some higher mental level because you don’t like jump scares.

I don’t like roller coasters. I’m not gonna get on camera and say oh roller coasters are cheap amusement for troglodytes. That’s how you sound when you put down something just because you don’t care for it.

This movie was aaight. The acting was aaight. The story was aaight. The production for the most part (lighting, camera work, location, set design all the good stuff that goes into making a movie) was aaight.

creepy-old-head-guy

As mentioned earlier some of the effects are better than others, but it was still an aaight watch, especially if you are catching it on Netflix of Amazon Prime.

Comments are welcome. I love to hear what you think, but racist, homophobic, or sexist comments will be deleted. It's not that kind of party.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s