The Thing (2011) | Horror Movie Review

Instead of writing a straight review, I’m going to write my reactions as I was having them during the movie. You’ve probably read enough reviews with paragraphs of some film industry reject pontificating about the quality of the movie. I don’t care about the quality, just about the reaction I have as a viewer. So without further ado:

BTW, Spoiler Alert Spoiler Alert and in case you missed it Spoiler Alert!

So the Thing looks like a giant roach lobster.
Oh look practical effects! Cool! Oh it’s been overlaid with CGI.
Oh, no don’t let Henrick be the first victim.
When is this a-hole going to tell the crew what she knows.
Adam “I don’t know what I saw”, is an idiot.
Evil Event Horizon Dr. Edward has got to be The Thing.
You just know when the helicopter dudes come back ish just ain’t right.
Lars is my favorite character.
“What are you an asshole?”
Paranoia, paranoia. Is Lars dead?
The Thing WILL snatch a hole in your chest, it WILL climb on you and meld with your face.
The Thing WILL cut the power to the outpost.
If you cut a tentacle arm spider in half, it WILL reassemble itself.
Did you see that lighting trick? Shout out to John Carpenter.
The Thing now looks like a double dangly head giant roach lobster.
A woman saved a man. That’s what’s up!
Parts of the spaceship looks like Tron, with Tetris in the middle and titanium mini blinds in the roof.
At this point my husband said, “It has gone right to stupidville”.
Is it a coincidence that The Thing’s face looks like a certain part of the female anatomy?
Why would you bring just one grenade?
….and boom goes the dynamite!
Lars!
The dog? Wait , that’s no dog.
…..and now we know why they were shooting at the dog at the beginning of John Carpenter’s The Thing.

This was a fun ride for me. JC’s The Thing has a special place in my heart. The effects in that film still have yet to be topped even here.

UPDATE: It turns out that this movie was originally really great, but the executives got involved and crapped all over the practical effects. Check out this video to see what could have been. All that hard work and an amazing looking pilot creature and they replace it with some janky CGI. SMDH

2 thoughts on “The Thing (2011) | Horror Movie Review

  1. I feel like I just watched Mystery Science Theater 3000 in writing; this has to be one of the best things I have read today. My girlfriend went and saw this at the theater one night and came home raving about it, I asked if saw the 1982 version and she of course said no. I can see why she liked it, if you haven't seen the better one; this one wouldn't seem that bad. Maybe I was expecting more of a prequel out of it, and not the same thing that happens already just in a different way, but after she dragged me to see it, I asked her next time to leave me working at DISH instead. I was not thrilled at this remake at all, and I was kind of irritated when I came home and saw she added to our blockbuster @home queue. I figured out a great way to get her to appreciate Carpenters masterpiece, I added it into the queue after I looked through the 20 movie channels that come with it. It wasn't playing there, I also checked all the on demand content I get, and it wasn't there either so renting it was. I was hoping and praying I could find it on Demand so I wouldn't have to wait, but I can't win them all I guess. So it looks like I will have to either suffer through it again with her, or work overtime; and overtime is starting to sound very good. At least for the $10 I pay monthly, she only chooses a couple movies leaving it open to me and my horrible need to watch old 80's action movies.

    Liked by 1 person

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